When I was 20 I found out I was pregnant. Completely shocked and scared out of my mind and not knowing what to do, I panicked and never told anyone…not even my own parents. A few weeks go by and I thought I had a miscarriage so I never thought about telling anyone. Fast forward a few months (I’m 7 ¹/² months along) and I’m at work one day and I feel a powerful kick to my side and at that moment…I…I cried because I still had know idea what the hell I was going to do.
I didn’t know how to tell my family. I didn’t even know how to tell my friends. A few and by few I mean it. Only like 4 people knew because of mistakes… fast forward a few weeks and one night… my father approaches me and asked when I was going to tell my parents that I was pregnant (I cried on the inside) and well I finally told them. That next day, weeks, month… was a very emotional roller coaster ride… but I knew… I knew that I was not ready to be a parent. I knew that this child growing inside of me could have a way better life without me there to screw it up as their parent (I’m not the greatest role model I’ll admit).
I went through this adoption agency that my dad found then scheduled a meeting with my case worker. I was told to go through the families and see if I find a few who might be possible candidates… with the help of some people I got it down to 3 families out of what felt like 150… (talk about some pressure) and I finally sat down and and fully read their profiles that they had set up. The first two they had me tearing up and smiling but when I finally got the chance to read the profile of the lovely couple named Darren and Miranda… my heart… my heart called out to them. Their story, their personalities, their families, their likes and dislikes, their souls… I knew in that moment I found the perfect people to raise my child. When we finally met it was like I had known them their entire lives and we just clicked. I couldn’t imagine two greater people with hearts so big and ready to be parents that I knew my time was not ready but theirs…. their life was… so in May I gave them the most special and amazing gift. A little girl named Aubrey.
6 1/2 years later… those two people and that little girl along with her little brother (they adopted again) are the most amazing things in my life. I get to see her and she knows who I am, she has my quirks and personality and god is she my mini me! We have this special bond with us 4 that nothing and no one could ever truly understand and I never knew what life would be like without having this amazing open adoption experience with them.
I love you Aubrey. I love you Miranda and Darren. I love you also Aiden!